lunes, 29 de diciembre de 2014
sábado, 27 de diciembre de 2014
Eckhart Tolle y su pareja Kim Eng, una profunda no-relación
Kim Eng - "Durante mis viajes, una de las preguntas
más frecuentes que me hacen es "¿Qué se siente al tener
una relación con un ser iluminado?" ¿Por qué esta pregunta?
Tal vez ellos tienen la idea o la imagen de una relación ideal,
y quieren saber más sobre ello. Tal vez sus mentes quieren
proyectarse a un futuro en el que ellos también estarán en una
relación ideal y se encontrarán a sí mimos a través de ella"
Conversación entre Kim Eng y Eckhart Tolle - ¿Qué se siente al tener una relación con un ser iluminado? Siempre que tengo la idea en mi cabeza "Tengo una relación" o "estoy en una relación", no importa con quién, sufro. Esto lo he aprendido.
Con el concepto de "relación" vienen expectativas, recuerdos de relaciones pasadas, y además conceptos mentales condicionados personales y culturales de lo que una "relación" debería ser. Después trataría de hacer que la realidad se ajustase a estos conceptos. Y nunca lo hace. Y vuelvo a sufrir. La cuestión del asunto es: no hay relaciones. Sólo existe el momento presente, y en el momento sólo hay un relacionarse.
Cómo nos relacionamos, o mejor dicho cómo de bien amamos, depende de lo vacíos que estamos de ideas, conceptos, expectativas. Recientemente, le pedí a Eckhart que dijera unas pocas palabras sobre la búsqueda de "relaciones amorosas" del ego. Nuestra conversación fue profundizando rápidamente para referirse a algunos de los aspectos más profundos de la existencia humana. Esto es lo que dijo:
Eckhart Tolle: Lo que convencionalmente llamamos "amor" es una estrategia del ego para evitar rendirse. Estás buscando a alguien para que te dé eso que sólo puede venirte en el estado de rendición. El ego utiliza a esa persona como un sustituto para no tener que rendirse. El idioma español es el más honesto a este respecto. Utiliza el mismo verbo 'querer', para decir "te amo" y "te quiero". Para el ego, amar y querer (desear) son lo mismo, mientras que el amor verdadero no tiene ningún deseo, ningún deseo de poseer o que tu pareja cambie. El ego escoge a alguien y lo hace especial. Utiliza a esa persona para tapar el constante sentimiento subyacente de descontento, de "no suficiente", de ira y odio, que están estrechamente relacionados entre sí. Estas son facetas de un sentimiento profundamente arraigado subyacente en los seres humanos, que es inseparable del estado egoico.
Cuando el ego escoge algo y dice "yo amo" esto o aquello, es un intento inconsciente de ocultar o eliminar los sentimientos profundos que siempre acompañan al ego: el descontento, la infelicidad, la sensación de insuficiencia que es tan familiar . Por un tiempo, la ilusión realmente funciona. Pero entonces, inevitablemente, en algún momento, la persona que has elegido, o has hecho especial a tus ojos, deja de funcionar como una tapadera para tu dolor, el odio, el descontento o la insatisfacción que tienen su origen en la sensación de insuficiencia y de sentirse incompleto. Entonces, surge la sensación que estaba oculta, y se proyecta sobre la persona que había sido elegiday hecha especial – quien pensabas que en última instancia iba a "salvarte". De repente, el amor se convierte en odio. El ego no se da cuenta de que el odio es una proyección del dolor universal que sientes dentro. El ego cree que esta persona es la causa del dolor. No se da cuenta de que el dolor es el sentimiento universal de no estar conectado con el nivel más profundo de tu ser – no ser uno con uno mismo.
El objeto del amor es intercambiable, tan intercambiable como el objeto del deseo egoico. Algunas personas pasan por muchas relaciones. Se enamoran y desenamoran muchas veces. Aman a una persona por un tiempo hasta que ya no funciona, porque ninguna persona puede de forma permanente ocultar ese dolor.
Sólo la rendición puede darte lo que estabas buscando en el objeto de tu amor. El ego dice que la rendición no es necesaria porque amo a esta persona. Es un proceso inconsciente, por supuesto. En el momento en que aceptas completamente lo que es, algo dentro de ti emerge que había sido ocultado por el deseo del ego. Es una paz innata que mora en el interior, quietud, vitalidad. Es lo incondicionado, lo que eres en tu esencia. Es lo que habías estado buscando en el objeto de amor. Es tú mismo. Cuando esto sucede, un tipo completamente diferente de amor está presente, que no está sujeto al amor/odio. No elige a una cosa o una persona como algo especial. Es absurdo incluso usar la misma palabra para eso. Ahora bien, puede suceder que, incluso en una relación normal amor/odio, de vez en cuando, introduces el estado de rendición. Temporalmente, brevemente, sucede: experimentas un profundo amor universal y una plena aceptación que a veces puede brillar a través, incluso en una relación egoica. Sin embargo, si la rendición no continúa, se cubre de nuevo con los viejos patrones egoicos. Por lo tanto, no estoy diciendo que el verdadero amor profundo no se pueda presentar de vez en cuando, incluso en una relación normal de amor/odio. Pero es raro y por lo general de corta duración.
Siempre que aceptas lo que es, algo más profundo emerge en ese instante. Así, puedes quedar atrapado en el dilema más doloroso, externo o interno, en los sentimientos o situación más dolorosos, y en el momento en que aceptas lo que es, vas más allá de ellos, los trasciendes. Incluso si sientes odio, en el momento en que aceptas que esto es lo que sientes, lo trasciendes. Todavía puede estar ahí, pero de repente estás en un lugar más profundo donde nada de eso importa ya.
El universo fenoménico entero existe debido a la tensión entre los opuestos. Caliente y frío, crecimiento y decadencia, ganancia y pérdida, éxito y fracaso, las polaridades que forman parte de la existencia, y por supuesto parte de todas las relaciones.
Kim Eng: ¿Entonces es correcto decir que nunca podemos deshacernos de las polaridades?
Eckhart Tolle: No podemos deshacernos de las polaridades en el plano de la forma. Sin embargo, puedes trascender las polaridades a través de la rendición. Estás entonces en contacto con un lugar más profundo dentro de ti donde, por así decirlo, las polaridades ya no existen. Siguen existiendo en el plano externo. Sin embargo, incluso allí, algo cambia en la forma en que las polaridades se manifiestan en tu vida cuando estás en un estado de aceptación o renuncia. Las polaridades se manifiestan de una manera más benigna y suave.
Cuanto más inconsciente seas, más identificado estás con la forma. La esencia de la inconsciencia es la siguiente: la identificación con la forma, ya sea una forma externa (una situación, lugar, evento o experiencia), una forma de pensamiento o una emoción. Cuanto más apegado estás a la forma, menos rendido (entregado) estás, y más extrema, violenta o cruel es tu experiencia de las polaridades. Hay personas en este planeta que viven prácticamente en el infierno y en el mismo planeta hay otros que viven una vida relativamente pacífica. Los que están en paz interior aún experimentan las polaridades, pero de una forma mucho más benigna que la forma extrema en la que muchos humanos las experimentan todavía. Por lo tanto, la forma en que las polaridades se experimentan cambia. Las propias polaridades no se puede eliminar, pero se puede decir, que el universo entero se vuelve algo más benevolente. Ya no es tan amenazante. El mundo ya no se percibe como hostil, que es como el ego lo percibe.
Kim Eng: Si el despertar o vivir una vida en un estado despierto no cambia el orden natural de las cosas, la dualidad, la tensión entre los opuestos, ¿qué significa vivir una vida en el estado despierto? ¿Afecta al mundo, o sólo la experiencia subjetiva que uno tiene del mundo?
Eckhart Tolle: Cuando vives en la rendición, algo viene a través de ti hacia el mundo de la dualidad que no es de este mundo.
Kim Eng: ¿Eso cambia realmente el mundo exterior?
Eckhart Tolle: Lo interno y lo externo son en última instancia uno. Cuando ya no percibes el mundo como hostil, ya no hay más miedo, y cuando no hay más miedo, piensas, hablas y actúas de manera diferente. El amor y la compasión surgen y afectan al mundo. Incluso si te encuentras en una situación de conflicto, hay una emanación de paz en las polaridades.Entonces, algo cambia. Hay algunos maestros o enseñanzas que dicen, nada cambia. Ese no es el caso. Algo muy importante sí que cambia. Aquello que está más allá de la forma brilla a través de la forma, lo eterno brilla a través de la forma en este mundo de la forma.
Kim Eng: ¿Es correcto decir que es tu falta de "reacción en contra", la aceptación de los opuestos de este mundo, lo que provoca cambios en la forma en que los opuestos se manifiestan?
Eckhart Tolle: Sí. Los opuestos seguirán ocurriendo, pero no se alimentan de ti nunca más. Lo que has dicho es un punto muy importante: la "falta de reacción" significa que las polaridades no se alimentan. Esto significa, que a menudo experimentas un colapso de las polaridades, tales como en situaciones de conflicto. Ninguna persona, ninguna situación se convierte en un "enemigo".
Kim Eng: Entonces, los opuestos, en vez de fortalecerse, se debilitan. Y tal vez así es como comienzan a disolverse.
Eckhart Tolle: Eso es correcto. Vivir así, es el comienzo del fin del mund
lunes, 22 de diciembre de 2014
Why is everyone so busy?
Time poverty is a problem partly of perception and partly of distribution.
THE predictions sounded like promises: in the future, working hours would be short and vacations long. “Our grandchildren”, reckoned John Maynard Keynes in 1930, would work around “three hours a day”—and probably only by choice. Economic progress and technological advances had already shrunk working hours considerably by his day, and there was no reason to believe this trend would not continue. Whizzy cars and ever more time-saving tools and appliances guaranteed more speed and less drudgery in all parts of life. Social psychologists began to fret: whatever would people do with all their free time?
This has not turned out to be one of the world’s more pressing problems. Everybody, everywhere seems to be busy. In the corporate world, a “perennial time-scarcity problem” afflicts executives all over the globe, and the matter has only grown more acute in recent years, say analysts at McKinsey, a consultancy firm. These feelings are especially profound among working parents. As for all those time-saving gizmos, many people grumble that these bits of wizardry chew up far too much of their days, whether they are mouldering in traffic, navigating robotic voice-messaging systems or scything away at e-mail—sometimes all at once.
Tick, tock
Why do people feel so rushed? Part of this is a perception problem. On average, people in rich countries have more leisure time than they used to. This is particularly true in Europe, but even in America leisure time has been inching up since 1965, when formal national time-use surveys began. American men toil for pay nearly 12 hours less per week, on average, than they did 40 years ago—a fall that includes all work-related activities, such as commuting and water-cooler breaks. Women’s paid work has risen a lot over this period, but their time in unpaid work, like cooking and cleaning, has fallen even more dramatically, thanks in part to dishwashers, washing machines, microwaves and other modern conveniences, and also to the fact that men shift themselves a little more around the house than they used to.
The problem, then, is less how much time people have than how they see it. Ever since a clock was first used to synchronise labour in the 18th century, time has been understood in relation to money. Once hours are financially quantified, people worry more about wasting, saving or using them profitably. When economies grow and incomes rise, everyone’s time becomes more valuable. And the more valuable something becomes, the scarcer it seems.
Individualistic cultures, which emphasise achievement over affiliation, help cultivate this time-is-money mindset. This creates an urgency to make every moment count, notes Harry Triandis, a social psychologist at the University of Illinois. Larger, wealthy cities, with their higher wage rates and soaring costs of living, raise the value of people’s time further still. New Yorkers are thriftier with their minutes—and more harried—than residents of Nairobi. London’s pedestrians are swifter than those in Lima. The tempo of life in rich countries is faster than that of poor countries. A fast pace leaves most people feeling rushed. “Our sense of time”, observed William James in his 1890 masterwork, “The Principles of Psychology”, “seems subject to the law of contrast.”
When people see their time in terms of money, they often grow stingy with the former to maximise the latter. Workers who are paid by the hour volunteer less of their time and tend to feel more antsy when they are not working. In an experiment carried out by Sanford DeVoe and Julian House at the University of Toronto, two different groups of people were asked to listen to the same passage of music—the first 86 seconds of “The Flower Duet” from the opera “Lakmé”. Before the song, one group was asked to gauge their hourly wage. The participants who made this calculation ended up feeling less happy and more impatient while the music was playing. “They wanted to get to the end of the experiment to do something that was more profitable,” Mr DeVoe explains.
The relationship between time, money and anxiety is something Gary S. Becker noticed in America’s post-war boom years. Though economic progress and higher wages had raised everyone’s standard of living, the hours of “free” time Americans had been promised had come to nought. “If anything, time is used more carefully today than a century ago,” he noted in 1965. He found that when people are paid more to work, they tend to work longer hours, because working becomes a more profitable use of time. So the rising value of work time puts pressure on all time. Leisure time starts to seem more stressful, as people feel compelled to use it wisely or not at all.
The harried leisure class
That economic prosperity would create feelings of time poverty looked a little odd in the 1960s, given all those new time-saving blenders and lawnmowers. But there is a distinct correlation between privilege and pressure. In part, this is a conundrum of wealth: though people may be earning more money to spend, they are not simultaneously earning more time to spend it in. This makes time—that frustratingly finite, unrenewable resource—feel more precious.
Being busy can make you rich, but being rich makes you feel busier still
Daniel Hamermesh of the University of Texas at Austin calls this a “yuppie kvetch”. In an analysis of international time-stress data, with Jungmin Lee, now of Sogang University in Seoul, he found that complaints about insufficient time come disproportionately from well-off families. Even after holding constant the hours spent working at jobs or at home, those with bigger paychecks still felt more anxiety about their time. “The more cash-rich working Americans are, the more time-poor they feel,” reported Gallup, a polling company, in 2011. Few spared a moment to feel much sympathy.
So being busy can make you rich, but being rich makes you feel busier still. Staffan Linder, a Swedish economist, diagnosed this problem in 1970. Like Becker, he saw that heady increases in the productivity of work-time compelled people to maximise the utility of their leisure time. The most direct way to do this would be for people to consume more goods within a given unit of time. To indulge in such “simultaneous consumption”, he wrote, a chap “may find himself drinking Brazilian coffee, smoking a Dutch cigar, sipping a French cognac, reading the New York Times, listening to a Brandenburg Concerto and entertaining his Swedish wife—all at the same time, with varying degrees of success.” Leisure time would inevitably feel less leisurely, he surmised, particularly for those who seemed best placed to enjoy it all. The unexpected product of economic progress, according to Linder, was a “harried leisure class”.
The explosion of available goods has only made time feel more crunched, as the struggle to choose what to buy or watch or eat or do raises the opportunity cost of leisure (ie, choosing one thing comes at the expense of choosing another) and contributes to feelings of stress. The endless possibilities afforded by a simple internet connection boggle the mind. When there are so many ways to fill one’s time, it is only natural to crave more of it. And pleasures always feel fleeting. Such things are relative, as Albert Einstein noted: “An hour sitting with a pretty girl on a park bench passes like a minute, but a minute sitting on a hot stove seems like an hour.”
The ability to satisfy desires instantly also breeds impatience, fuelled by a nagging sense that one could be doing so much else. People visit websites less often if they are more than 250 milliseconds slower than a close competitor, according to research from Google. More than a fifth of internet users will abandon an online video if it takes longer than five seconds to load. When experiences can be calculated according to the utility of a millisecond, all seconds are more anxiously judged for their utility.
New technologies such as e-mail and smartphones exacerbate this impatience and anxiety. E-mail etiquette often necessitates a response within 24 hours, with the general understanding that sooner is better. Managing this constant and mounting demand often involves switching tasks or multi-tasking, and the job never quite feels done. “Multi-tasking is what makes us feel pressed for time,” says Elizabeth Dunn, a psychology professor at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, Canada. “No matter what people are doing, people feel better when they are focused on that activity,” she adds.
Yet the shortage of time is a problem not just of perception, but also of distribution. Shifts in the way people work and live have changed the way leisure time is experienced, and who gets to experience it. For the past 20 years, and bucking previous trends, the workers who are now working the longest hours and juggling the most responsibilities at home also happen to be among the best educated and best paid. The so-called leisure class has never been more harried.
Racing to the top
Writing in 1962, Sebastian de Grazia, a political scientist, cast a withering eye across the great American landscape, dismayed by all the relentless industry and consumption. “If executives are so powerful a force in America, as they indubitably are, why don’t they get more of that free time which everybody else, it seems, holds to be so precious?” Perhaps it is fortunate de Grazia did not live to see the day when executives would no longer break for lunch.
Thirty years ago low-paid, blue-collar workers were more likely to punch in a long day than their professional counterparts. One of the many perks of being a salaried employee was a fairly manageable and predictable work-week, some long lunches and the occasional round of golf. Evenings might be spent curled up with a Sharper Image catalogue by a toasty fire.
But nowadays professionals everywhere are twice as likely to work long hours as their less-educated peers. Few would think of sparing time for nine holes of golf, much less 18. (Golf courses around the world are struggling to revamp the game to make it seem speedy and cool—see article.) And lunches now tend to be efficient affairs, devoured at one’s desk, with an eye on the e-mail inbox. At some point these workers may finally leave the office, but the regular blinking or chirping of their smartphones kindly serves to remind them that their work is never done.
A Harvard Business School survey of 1,000 professionals found that 94% worked at least 50 hours a week, and almost half worked more than 65 hours. Other research shows that the share of college-educated American men regularly working more than 50 hours a week rose from 24% in 1979 to 28% in 2006. According to a recent survey, 60% of those who use smartphones are connected to work for 13.5 hours or more a day. European labour laws rein in overwork, but in Britain four in ten managers, victims of what was once known as “the American disease”, say they put in more than 60 hours a week. It is no longer shameful to be seen swotting.
All this work has left less time for play. Though leisure time has increased overall, a closer look shows that most of the gains took place between the 1960s and the 1980s. Since then economists have noticed a growing “leisure gap”, with the lion’s share of spare time going to people with less education.
In America, for example, men who did not finish high-school gained nearly eight hours a week of leisure time between 1985 and 2005. Men with a college degree, however, saw their leisure time drop by six hours during the same period, which means they have even less leisure than they did in 1965, say Mark Aguiar of Princeton University and Erik Hurst of the University of Chicago. The same goes for well-educated American women, who not only have less leisure time than they did in 1965, but also nearly 11 hours less per week than women who did not graduate from high school.
What accounts for this yawning gap between the time-poor haves and the time-rich have-nots? Part of it has to do with structural changes to the labour market. Work opportunities have declined for anyone without a college degree. The availability of manufacturing and other low-skilled jobs has shrunk in the rich world. The jobs that are left tend to be in the service sector. They are often both unsatisfying and poorly paid. So the value of working hours among the under-educated is fairly low by most measures, and the rise in “leisure” time may not be anything to envy.
Yet the leisure-time gap between employees with more and less education is not merely a product of labour-market changes. Less well-educated men also spend less time searching for work, doing odd jobs for money and getting extra training than unemployed educated men, and they do less work around the house and spend less time with their children.
But this does not explain why so many well-educated and better-paid people have less leisure time than they did in the 1960s. Various factors may account for this phenomenon. One is that college-educated workers are more likely to enjoy what they do for a living, and identify closely with their careers, so work long hours willingly. Particularly at the top, a demanding job can be a source of prestige, so the rewards of longer hours go beyond the financial.
Another reason is that all workers today report greater feelings of job insecurity. Slow economic growth and serious disruptions in any number of industries, from media to architecture to advertising, along with increasing income inequality, have created ever more competition for interesting, well-paid jobs. Meanwhile in much of the rich world, the cost of housing and private education has soared. They can also expect to live longer, and so need to ensure that their pension pots are stocked with ample cash for retirement. Faced with sharper competition, higher costs and a greater need for savings, even elite professionals are more nervous about their prospects than they used to be. This can keep people working in their offices at all hours, especially in America, where there are few legal limits on the working hours of salaried employees.
This extra time in the office pays off. Because knowledge workers have few metrics for output, the time people spend at their desks is often seen as a sign of productivity and loyalty. So the stooge who is in his office first thing in the morning and last at night is now consistently rewarded with raises and promotions, or saved from budget cuts. Since the late 1990s, this “long-hours premium” has earned overworkers about 6% more per hour than their full-time counterparts, says Kim Weeden at Cornell University. (It also helps reinforce the gender-wage gap, as working mothers are rarely able to put in that kind of time in an office.)
Ultimately, more people at the top are trading leisure for work because the gains of working—and the costs of shirking—are higher than ever before. Revealingly, inequalities in leisure have coincided with other measures of inequality, in wages and consumption, which have been increasing steadily since the 1980s. While the wages of most workers, and particularly uneducated workers, have either remained stagnant or grown slowly, the incomes at the top—and those at the very top most of all—have been rising at a swift rate. This makes leisure time terribly expensive.
So if leisureliness was once a badge of honour among the well-off of the 19th century, in the words of Thorsten Veblen, an American economist at the time, then busyness—and even stressful feelings of time scarcity—has become that badge now. To be pressed for time has become a sign of prosperity, an indicator of social status, and one that most people are inclined to claim. This switch, notes Jonathan Gershuny, the director of Oxford University’s Centre for Time Use Research, is only natural in economies where the most impressive people seem to have the most to do.
The American is always in a hurry
Though professionals everywhere complain about lacking time, the gripes are loudest in America. This makes some sense: American workers toil some of the longest hours in the industrial world. Employers are not required to offer their employees proper holidays, but even when they do, their workers rarely use the lot. The average employee takes only half of what is allotted, and 15% don’t take any holiday at all, according to a survey from Glassdoor, a consultancy. Nowhere is the value of work higher and the value of leisure lower. This is the country that invented take-away coffee, after all.
Some blame America’s puritanical culture. Americans are “always in a hurry,” observed Alexis de Tocqueville more than 150 years ago. But the reality is more complicated. Until the 1970s, American workers put in the same number of hours as the average European, and a bit less than the French. But things changed during the big economic shocks of the 1970s. In Europe labour unions successfully fought for stable wages, a reduced work week and more job protection. Labour-friendly governments capped working hours and mandated holidays. European workers in essence traded money for more time—lower wages for more holiday. This raised the utility of leisure, because holidays are more fun and less costly when everyone else is taking time off too. Though European professionals are working longer hours than ever before, it is still fairly hard to find one in an office in August.
In America, where labour unions have always been far less powerful, the same shocks led to job losses and increased competition. In the 1980s Ronald Reagan cut taxes and social-welfare programmes, which increased economic inequality and halted the overall decline in working hours. The rising costs of certain basics—pensions, health care and higher education, much of which is funded or subsidised in Europe—make it rational to trade more time for money. And because American holidays are more limited, doled out grudgingly by employers (if at all), it is harder to co-ordinate time off with others, which lowers its value, says John de Graaf, executive director of Take Back Your Time, an advocacy organisation in America.
The returns on work are also potentially much higher in America, at least for those with a college degree. This is because taxes and transfer payments do far less to bridge the gap between rich and poor than in other wealthy nations, such as Britain, France and Ireland. The struggle to earn a place on that narrow pedestal encourages people to slave away for incomparably long hours. “In America the consequences of not being at the top are so dramatic that the rat race is exacerbated,” says Joseph Stiglitz, a Nobel prize-winning economist. “In a winner-takes-all society you would expect this time crunch.”
So rising wages, rising costs, diminishing job security and more demanding, rewarding work are all squeezing leisure time—at least for the fortunate few for whom work-time is actually worth something. But without a doubt the noisiest grumbles come from working parents, not least the well-educated ones. Time-use data reveals why these people never have enough time: not only are they working the longest hours, on average, but they are also spending the most time with their children.
American mothers with a college degree, for example, spend roughly 4.5 hours more per week on child care than mothers with no education beyond high school. This gap persists even when the better-educated mother works outside the home, as she is now likely to do, according to research from Jonathan Guryan and Erik Hurst of the University of Chicago, and Melissa Kearney of the University of Maryland. As for fathers, those with a job and a college degree spend far more time with their children than fathers ever used to, and 105% more time than their less-educated male peers. These patterns can be found around the world, particularly in relatively rich countries.
If their leisure time is so scarce, why are these people spending so much of it doting on their sprogs, shepherding them from tutors to recitals to football games? Why aren’t successful professionals outsourcing more of the child-rearing? There are several reasons for this. The first is that people say they find it far more meaningful than time spent doing most other things, including paid work; and if today’s professionals value their time at work more than yesterday’s did, presumably they feel the time they spend parenting is more valuable still. Another reason is that parents—and above all educated parents—are having children later in life, which puts them in a better position emotionally and financially to make a more serious investment. When children are deliberately sought, sometimes expensively so, parenting feels more rewarding, even if this is just a confirmation bias.
A mother’s work
The rise in female employment also seems to have coincided with (or perhaps precipitated) a similarly steep rise in standards for what it means to be a good parent, and especially a good mother. Niggling feelings of guilt and ambivalence over working outside the home, together with some social pressures, compel many women to try to fulfil idealised notions of motherhood as well, says Judy Wajcman, a sociology professor at the London School of Economics and author of a new book, “Pressed for Time: The Acceleration of Life in Digital Capitalism”.
Though women do less work around the house than they used to, the jobs they do tend to be the never-ending ones
The struggle to “have it all” may be a fairly privileged modern challenge. But it bears noting that even in professional dual-income households, mothers still handle the lion’s share of parenting—particularly the daily, routine jobs that never feel finished. Attentive fathers handle more of the enjoyable tasks, such as taking children to games and playing sports, while mothers are stuck with most of the feeding, cleaning and nagging. Though women do less work around the house than they used to, the jobs they do tend to be the never-ending ones, like tidying, cooking and laundry. Well-educated men chip in far more than their fathers ever did, and more than their less-educated peers, but still put in only half as much time as women do. And men tend to do the discrete tasks that are more easily crossed off lists, such as mowing lawns or fixing things round the house. All of this helps explain why time for mothers, and especially working mothers, always feels scarce. “Working mothers with young children are the most time-scarce segment of society,” says Geoffrey Godbey, a time-use expert at Penn State University.
Parents also now have far more insight into how children learn and develop, so they have more tools (and fears) as they groom their children for adulthood. This reinforces another reason why well-off people are investing so much time in parenthood: preparing children to succeed is the best way to transfer privilege from one generation to the next. Now that people are living longer, parents are less likely to pass on a big financial bundle when they die. So the best way to ensure the prosperity of one’s children is to provide the education and skills needed to get ahead, particularly as this human capital grows ever more important for success. This helps explain why privileged parents spend so much time worrying over schools and chauffeuring their children to résumé-enhancing activities. “Parents are now afraid of doing less than their neighbours,” observes Philip Cohen, a sociology professor at the University of Maryland who studies contemporary families. “It can feel like an arms race.”
No time to lose
Leisure time is now the stuff of myth. Some are cursed with too much. Others find it too costly to enjoy. Many spend their spare moments staring at a screen of some kind, even though doing other things (visiting friends, volunteering at a church) tends to make people happier. Not a few presume they will cash in on all their stored leisure time when they finally retire, whenever that may be. In the meantime, being busy has its rewards. Otherwise why would people go to such trouble?
Alas time, ultimately, is a strange and slippery resource, easily traded, visible only when it passes and often most highly valued when it is gone. No one has ever complained of having too much of it. Instead, most people worry over how it flies, and wonder where it goes. Cruelly, it runs away faster as people get older, as each accumulating year grows less significant, proportionally, but also less vivid. Experiences become less novel and more habitual. The years soon bleed together and end up rushing past, with the most vibrant memories tucked somewhere near the beginning. And of course the more one tries to hold on to something, the swifter it seems to go.
Writing in the first century, Seneca was startled by how little people seemed to value their lives as they were living them—how busy, terribly busy, everyone seemed to be, mortal in their fears, immortal in their desires and wasteful of their time. He noticed how even wealthy people hustled their lives along, ruing their fortune, anticipating a time in the future when they would rest. “People are frugal in guarding their personal property; but as soon as it comes to squandering time they are most wasteful of the one thing in which it is right to be stingy,” he observed in “On the Shortness of Life”, perhaps the very first time-management self-help book. Time on Earth may be uncertain and fleeting, but nearly everyone has enough of it to take some deep breaths, think deep thoughts and smell some roses, deeply. “Life is long if you know how to use it,” he counselled.
Nearly 2,000 years later, de Grazia offered similar advice. Modern life, that leisure-squandering, money-hoarding, grindstone-nosing, frippery-buying business, left him exasperated. He saw that everyone everywhere was running, running, running, but to where? For what? People were trading their time for all sorts of things, but was the exchange worth it? He closed his 1962 tome, “Of Time, Work and Leisure”, with a prescription:
Lean back under a tree, put your arms behind your head, wonder at the pass we’ve come to, smile and remember that the beginnings and ends of man’s every great enterprise are untidy.
lunes, 15 de diciembre de 2014
Llinás encontró la droga contra el Alzhéimer, solo falta la patente
El colombiano fue reconocido en España por sus descubrimientos sobre el cerebro. Su verdadero triunfo será ganarle la pelea al Alzhéimer. Entrevista de Margarita Vidal.
La reina de España entregó esta semana el IV Diploma Cajal al investigador neurólogo bogotano Rodolfo Llinás por su contribución a las neurociencias y sus aportaciones al conocimiento del funcionamiento cerebral. El presidente del Consejo Superior español de Investigaciones Científicas, Emilio Lora-Tamayo, calificó al investigador colombiano de “una de las figuras más relevantes de la neurociencia actual” y recordó que el centro que preside ya decidió otorgarle el pasado año su máxima distinción, la Medalla de Oro.
Son pocas las entrevistas que el científico Rodolfo LLinás concede a los medios, y esta es una de las más recientes, publicada originalmente en la revista Credencial. Llinás cuenta cómo está a un paso de ganarle la batalla al Alzhéimer
¿Ha hecho nuevos descubrimientos después de los publicados en el cerebro y el mito del yo?
Desde el punto de vista del sistema nervioso hemos encontrado una llave importantísima en neuropsiquiatría: lo que hemos llamado ‘disritmia en el tálamo cortical”. Estoy organizando un simposio internacional al respecto, porque reúne la neurología y la siquiatría y le da bases biológicas a muchas enfermedades que no se pensaba que estuvieran relacionadas. Ha sido una situación muy complicada porque la gente no estaba preparada para entender que psiquiatría y neurología son lo mismo. A muchos les parece increíble que uno pueda entender, desde el punto de vista de la actividad celular, cosas como la depresión, la esquizofrenia y cuestiones más complejas como el dolor central o un tinnitus, que es espantoso. Estas situaciones son estados funcionales de un cerebro que no está trabajando bien. La diferencia entre un tinnitus, un dolor central y la depresión no es el mecanismo que los produce, sino dónde se producen. El mecanismo es muy similar y se puede ver dónde está. Esto ha sido muy importante porque demuestra que pensar, crear, memorizar y todas las patologías son simplemente estados funcionales del cerebro. Es un concepto que le resulta chocante a muchos porque, de algún modo, se está negando lo que se ha considerado algo así como ‘el alma’
¿Entonces el alma como la entendemos, no existe?
-No. Es un estado funcional del cerebro, pero el tema todavía resulta difícil de digerir para mucha gente. La respuesta que muchos dan es: “Bueno, sí, si usted lo dice… pero no entiendo bien cómo un estado funcional del cerebro se puede modular o corregir mediante la palabra” (el psicoanálisis es hablado y la gente se mejora). Y yo les contesto que las palabras cambian el cerebro.
¿En qué forma?
-Si yo le digo a una persona que es ‘malnacida’, responde agresivamente. Entonces, las palabras son como piedras; pueden hacer bien o daño, porque cambian el estado funcional del cerebro.
¿Es porque producen emociones?
-Exactamente, las emociones se pueden correlacionar. Antes se pensaba que no, y la realidad es que sí: yo puedo ver en el cerebro cuando alguien está bravo, triste o con dolor. Pero a la gente le resulta profundamente complejo y difícil de aceptar que la mente ―que era casi intocable― se reduce a una situación ‘cuchareable’, y su conclusión temerosa es: “Solamente hay dos posibilidades: que el paciente esté bien o que esté mal. Si está bien, no ha pasado nada porque no hubo necesidad de tratamiento. Pero si está mal, ¿qué hacemos nosotros? Lo que usted nos está diciendo es que estamos aplicando un sistema que no es”.
¿Se sienten corriendo un riesgo?
-Pensaban que estaban corriendo un riesgo hasta que les conté lo que he entendido y, además, que tengo las primeras imágenes que se han visto en el mundo del cerebro en medio de ese proceso. Ejemplo: si una persona que tiene una depresión va a donde el psiquiatra y el psiquiatra le hace una sesión de psicoterapia, el cerebro cambia y la persona se siente bien. Ese cambio es medible físicamente con un magneto-encefalograma.
¿Cómo se representa?
La actividad cerebral cambia según la clase de actividad osciladora: palabras, música, olores, ruidos, etc. El magneto-encefalograma registra zonas de diferentes tonalidades en determinados sitios del cerebro. Entonces podemos demostrar que las emociones son estados físicos que ponen a la gente a vibrar. Se ha abierto una puerta profunda: podemos ver la actividad cerebral y debemos analizarla sin prejuicios. Antes se auscultaba el cuerpo y se diagnosticaba: cáncer, tuberculosis, sida. Ahora hemos llegado a la misma posibilidad con el estado cerebral y podemos ver si el tratamiento está sirviendo o no. Es una revolución.
¿Cree que este descubrimiento es el más grande de su carrera como investigador?
-Eso solamente la historia lo dirá, pero estos resultados son secundarios, derivados de otros, obtenidos hace varios años ya.
¿Cuáles?
-Que el cerebro tiene ritmos intrínsecos dados por canales iónicos. El cerebro humano, producto de 500.000 años de evolución, es un sistema capaz de hacer hipótesis sobre lo que hay afuera. Un aparato para soñar, y los sueños ocurren de dos maneras, cuando estamos dormidos y durante la vigilia. No es fácil de entender cuando uno dice que no hay colores, ni sabores, ni olores, etc., indicando que la característica sensorial la inventamos nosotros.
¿Me da un ejemplo?
-Una vaca no ve colores, y si uno es daltónico tampoco ve colores, o sea que los colores no existen afuera, lo que existen son ondas de luz que tienen diferentes frecuencias.
La Reina Sofía de España le entregó el IV Diploma Cajal por su contribución a las neurociencias y sus aportaciones al conocimiento del funcionamiento cerebral.
¿Por qué evolucionó el cerebro humano?
-Para poder movernos inteligentemente. Si no nos movemos, no necesitamos cerebro. Por ende las plantas no tienen cerebro. Los seres multicelulares pueden cambiar de tamaño, pueden cambiar de complejidad, pero si pensamos en la biología, las células multicelulares en los animales son iguales, porque tenemos el mismo ADN, las mismas proteínas, las mismas enzimas. Quiere decir que la evolución está creando diferentes posibles soluciones.
¿Cómo cambia eso nuestra concepción de la biología?
-Hemos hecho la historia de la biología basada en la forma externa del animal; ¿por qué no rehacerla en una forma más profunda, basados en el cerebro, en vez de en las tonterías que observamos externamente? De esta manera podríamos intentar entender el estado funcional del animal mismo. Nunca le he dicho a nadie esto, pero significa que vamos a reformular la biología basada en la complejidad del sistema nervioso y no en el número de plumas, pelos, dientes, alas, etc.
Un ejemplo, por favor.
-Si uno mira un murciélago, piensa que es un ratón que vuela, pero si mira su cerebro ve que la diferencia es enorme porque el cerebro del murciélago tiene una cantidad de características que el de la rata no tiene. Pero eso se develará en el futuro porque no tenemos suficiente conocimiento del cerebro como para poder hacer una reorganización de la historia de la biología, basada en su estructura, pero ya se hará. En la medida en que entendamos más que las características prominentes de la anatomía no son necesariamente el común denominador más amplio, vamos a entender más. Es un factor importantísimo porque lo que entendemos de la naturaleza, de lo que somos, de las enfermedades, de la política, de la música y de lo que usted quiera, tiene que ver con el tipo de cerebro y lo que este hace.
Si uno mira uno de sus magneto-encefalogramas del cerebro, ¿dónde se ubican las emociones como ira, dolor, amor y nostalgia?
-El cerebro humano es sumamente interesante; tenemos una masa más o menos de kilo y medio, de un sistema que ha evolucionado de tal modo que tiene especialidades como la parte de adelante que es intelectual, o la parte de atrás, que es sensitiva. Está el área del hipocampo y del hipotálamo, y una pequeña: las emociones, que son sumamente primitivas y por eso cuando estamos emocionados nos convertimos también en animales primitivos.
¿En el hombre ha crecido más la parte frontal, la inteligencia?
-Sí, desde el punto de vista de afinar la vista y el tacto, el equilibrio, la audición, el olfato, etc. La corteza cerebral analiza todos esos aspectos y aumenta las propiedades de lo que está en el centro. Entonces tenemos inteligencia emocional, para distinguir, por ejemplo, lo que nos gusta de lo que no, y experimentar una enorme cantidad de emociones y habilidades diferentes. Un pájaro canta pero solamente puede cantar una melodía porque tiene un sistema cerebral muy sencillo; el humano puede componer cualquier clase de música, de modo que tiene la capacidad de especificar grados de medición, de sensaciones y, además, de realizar movimientos que a cualquier otro animal le quedaría imposible hacer. Es decir, tiene una destreza increíble.
¿Somos una especie de micos evolucionados?
-Somos simiescos, antropoides, a tal nivel, que las proteínas y la genética son muy similares. Pero nosotros somos animales que nos hemos especializado en complejidad y hemos desarrollado el lenguaje y la ciencia, la música y la arquitectura, en fin. Pero a pesar de eso, seguimos siendo esclavos de las emociones.
¿En qué forma y por qué?
-Porque lo intelectual no tiene valor en sí mismo si no se acopla con un componente emocional. Si usted es científico y encuentra algo nuevo, experimenta un placer increíble, pero si le echan vainas por lo que dice, sufre casi como si le dieran un palazo en la cabeza. Entonces, personas que no tienen competencia emocional son orates. No funcionan. Y si esa área se daña, la persona no se mueve, no porque esté paralizado, sino porque se convierte en autista, pierde el deseo de moverse. La gente cree que la emoción es estar con rabieta, enamorado, nostálgico… pero no es verdad: el estado emocional es el que hace que la gente se levante, camine, hable o no hable. Que funcione.
Pasando a otro tema, ¿qué son enfermedades como el Alzheimer?
-Lo que ha pasado con el Alzheimer es muy interesante porque ya sabemos cómo funciona y que hay drogas que pueden mejorar ciertos tipos de la enfermedad. Lo que hay que hacer ahora es un estudio mucho grande.
García Márquez escribió el prólogo del libro El cerebro y el mito del yo de Llinás.
¿Usted está dispuesto a hacerlo?
-No, porque lo que sigue ahora es una parte netamente económica y a eso no le jalo. No tengo el tiempo. Cuatrocientas personas es un buen universo, pero quieren más. Hice la investigación, sé exactamente qué está pasando, cuál es el mecanismo y dije: “Aquí está la droga”. No lo hemos publicado todavía porque estamos haciendo la patente. Luego viene el tema de quién va a fabricar la droga, quién la va a vender, si será tomada, o en parche, en fin, cosas que ya no son de mi resorte.
Lo fundamental es que ya hay una solución para el Alzheimer.
-Sí, descubrimos el mecanismo por el cual se produce. De pronto la manera ideal de mejorar la enfermedad no es solamente la droga que nosotros tenemos, sino que es una de muchas posibles.
¿Qué es lo que pasa en el cerebro con el Alzheimer?
-A muy grandes rasgos, una proteína especifica se fosforiliza, se vuelve tóxica y entonces no se mueven las cosas dentro de las células. Puede pasar por muchas razones, pero el punto de ataque va a ser siempre el mismo y es que una molécula final se vuelve tóxica. Si impedimos eso, no hay Alzheimer.
¿Y usted cómo descubrió eso?
-Pensando, analizando y trabajando el problema.
Entrevista de Margarita Vidal publicada originalmente en la Revista Credencial
martes, 9 de diciembre de 2014
THE SEXODUS, PART 1: THE MEN GIVING UP ON WOMEN AND CHECKING OUT OF SOCIETY
THE SEXODUS, PART 1: THE MEN GIVING UP ON WOMEN AND CHECKING OUT OF SOCIETY
"My generation of boys is f**ked," says Rupert, a young German video game enthusiast I've been getting to know over the past few months. "Marriage is dead. Divorce means you're screwed for life. Women have given up on monogamy, which makes them uninteresting to us for any serious relationship or raising a family. That's just the way it is. Even if we take the risk, chances are the kids won't be ours. In France, we even have to pay for the kids a wife has through adulterous affairs.
"In school, boys are screwed over time and again. Schools are engineered for women. In the US, they force-feed boys Ritalin like Skittles to shut them up. And while girls are favoured to fulfil quotas, men are slipping into distant second place.
"Nobody in my generation believes they're going to get a meaningful retirement. We have a third or a quarter of the wealth previous generations had, and everyone's fleeing to higher education to stave off unemployment and poverty because there are no jobs.
"All that wouldn't be so bad if we could at least dull the pain with girls. But we're treated like paedophiles and potential rapists just for showing interest. My generation are the beautiful ones," he sighs, referring to a 1960s experiment on mice that supposedly predicted a grim future for the human race.
After overpopulation ran out of control, the female mice in John Calhoun's "mouse universe" experiment stopped breeding, and the male mice withdrew from the company of others entirely, eating, sleeping, feeding and grooming themselves but doing little else. They had shiny coats, but empty lives.
"The parallels are astounding," says Rupert.
*
Never before in history have relations between the sexes been so fraught with anxiety, animosity and misunderstanding. To radical feminists, who have been the driving force behind many tectonic societal shifts in recent decades, that's a sign of success: they want to tear down the institutions and power structures that underpin society, never mind the fall-out. Nihilistic destruction is part of their road map.
But, for the rest of us, the sight of society breaking down, and ordinary men and women being driven into separate but equal misery, thanks to a small but highly organised group of agitators, is distressing. Particularly because, as increasing numbers of social observers are noticing, an entire generation of young people—mostly men—are being left behind in the wreckage of this social engineering project.
Social commentators, journalists, academics, scientists and young men themselves have all spotted the trend: among men of about 15 to 30 years old, ever-increasing numbers are checking out of society altogether, giving up on women, sex and relationships and retreating into pornography, sexual fetishes, chemical addictions, video games and, in some cases, boorish lad culture, all of which insulate them from a hostile, debilitating social environment created, some argue, by the modern feminist movement.
You can hardly blame them. Cruelly derided as man-children and crybabies for objecting to absurdly unfair conditions in college, bars, clubs and beyond, men are damned if they do and damned if they don't: ridiculed as basement-dwellers for avoiding aggressive, demanding women with unrealistic expectations, or called rapists and misogynists merely for expressing sexual interest.
Jack Rivlin is editor-in-chief of student tabloid media start-up The Tab, a runaway success whose current strap-line reads: "We'll stop writing it when you stop reading it." As the guiding intelligence behind over 30 student newspapers, Rivlin is perhaps the best-placed person in the country to observe this trend in action. And he agrees that the current generation of young men find it particularly difficult to engage with women.
"Teenage boys always have been useless with girls, but there's definitely a fear that now being well-intentioned isn't enough, and you can get into trouble just for being clumsy," he says. "For example, leaning in for a kiss might see you branded a creep, rather than just inept."
The new rules men are expected to live by are never clearly explained, says Rivlin, leaving boys clueless and neurotic about interacting with girls. "That might sound like a good thing because it encourages men to take the unromantic but practical approach of asking women how they should behave, but it causes a lot of them to just opt out of the game and retreat to the sanctuary of their groups of lads, where being rude to women gets you approval, and you can pretty much entirely avoid one-on-one socialising with the opposite sex."
"There are also a lot of blokes who ignore women because they are scared and don't know how to act. It goes without saying that boys who never spend any time alone with women are not very good at relationships."
Rivlin has noticed the increased dependence on substances, normally alcohol, that boys are using to calm their nerves. "I've heard a lot of male students boast about never having experienced sober sex," he says. "They're obviously scared, which is natural, but they would be a lot less scared and dysfunctional if they understood 'the rules.'"
The result? "A lot of nice but awkward young men are opting out of approaching women because there is no opportunity for them to make mistakes without suffering worse embarrassment than ever."
Most troublingly, this effect is felt more acutely among poorer and less well educated communities, where the package of support resources available to young men is slight. At my alma mater, the University of Cambridge, the phenomenon barely registers on the radar, according to Union society president Tim Squirrell.
"I don't think I've really noticed a change recently," he says. "This year has seen the introduction of mandatory consent workshops for freshers, which I believe is probably a good thing, and there's been a big effort by the Women's Campaign in particular to try and combat lad culture on campus.
The atmosphere here is the same as it was a year ago - mostly nerdy guys who are too afraid to approach anyone in the first place, and then a smaller percentage who are confident enough to make a move. Obviously women have agency too, and they approach men in about the same numbers as they do elsewhere. There certainly haven't been any stories in [campus newspaper] The Tab about a sex drought on campus."
"I think that people are probably having as much sex as ever," he adds. At Cambridge, of course, that may not mean much, and for a variety of socioeconomic and class-based reasons the tribes at Oxford and Cambridge are somewhat insulated from the male drop-out effect.
"I think that people are probably having as much sex as ever," he adds. At Cambridge, of course, that may not mean much, and for a variety of socioeconomic and class-based reasons the tribes at Oxford and Cambridge are somewhat insulated from the male drop-out effect.
But even at such a prestigious university with a largely middle- and upper-class population, those patronising, mandatory "consent" classes are still being implemented. Squirrell, who admits to being a feminist with left-of-centre politics, thinks they're a good idea. But academics such as Camille Paglia have been warning for years that "rape drives" on campus put women at greater risk, if anything.
Women today are schooled in victimhood, taught to be aggressively vulnerable and convinced that the slightest of perceived infractions, approaches or clumsy misunderstandings represents "assault," "abuse" or "harassment." That may work in the safe confines of campus, where men can have their academic careers destroyed on the mere say-so of a female student.
But, according to Paglia, when that women goes out into the real world without the safety net of college rape committees, she is left totally unprepared for the sometimes violent reality of male sexuality. And the panics and fear-mongering are serving men even more poorly. All in all, education is becoming a miserable experience for boys.
*
In schools today across Britain and America, boys are relentlessly pathologised, asacademics were warning as long ago as 2001. Boyishness and boisterousness have come to be seen as "problematic," with girls' behaviour a gold standard against which these defective boys are measured. When they are found wanting, the solution is often drugs.
One in seven American boys will be diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) at some point in their school career. Millions will be prescribed a powerful mood stabiliser, such as Ritalin, for the crime of being born male. The side effects of these drugs can be hideous and include sudden death.
Meanwhile, boys are falling behind girls academically, perhaps because relentless and well-funded focus has been placed on girls' achievement in the past few decades and little to none on the boys who are now achieving lower grades, fewer honors, fewer degrees and less marketable information economy skills. Boys' literacy, in particular, is in crisis throughout the West. We've been obsessing so much over girls, we haven't noticed that boys have slipped into serious academic trouble.
So what happened to those boys who, in 2001, were falling behind girls at school, were less likely to go to college, were being given drugs they did not need and whose self-esteem and confidence issues haven't just been ignored, but have been actively ridiculed by the feminist Establishment that has such a stranglehold on teaching unions and Left-leaning political parties?
In short: they grew up, dysfunctional, under-served by society, deeply miserable and, in many cases, entirely unable to relate to the opposite sex. It is the boys who were being betrayed by the education system and by culture at large in such vast numbers between 1990 and 2010 who represent the first generation of what I call the sexodus, a large-scale exit from mainstream society by males who have decided they simply can't face, or be bothered with, forming healthy relationships and participating fully in their local communities, national democracies and other real-world social structures.
A second sexodus generation is gestating today, potentially with even greater damage being done to them by the onset of absurd, unworkable, prudish and downright misandrist laws such as California's "Yes Means Yes" legislation—and by third-wave feminism, which dominates newspapers like the Guardian and new media companies like Vox and Gawker, but which is currently enjoying a hysterical last gasp before women themselves reject it by an even greater margin than the present 4 out of 5 women who say they want nothing to do with the dreaded f-word.
*
The sexodus didn't arrive out of nowhere, and the same pressures that have forced so many millennials out of society exert pressure on their parent's generation, too. One professional researcher in his late thirties, about whom I have been conversing on this topic for some months, puts it spicily: "For the past, at least, 25 years, I've been told to do more and more to keep a woman. But nobody's told me what they're doing to keep me.
"I can tell you as a heterosexual married male in management, who didn’t drop out of society, the message from the chicks is: 'It's not just preferable that you should fuck off, but imperative. You must pay for everything and make everything work; but you yourself and your preferences and needs can fuck off and die.'"
Women have been sending men mixed messages for the last few decades, leaving boys utterly confused about what they are supposed to represent to women, which perhaps explains the strong language some of them use when describing their situation. As the role of breadwinner has been taken away from them by women who earn more and do better in school, men are left to intuit what to do, trying to find a virtuous mean between what women say they want and what they actually pursue, which can be very different things.
Men say the gap between what women say and what they do has never been wider. Men are constantly told they should be delicate, sensitive fellow travellers on the feminist path. But the same women who say they want a nice, unthreatening boyfriend go home and swoon over simple-minded, giant-chested, testosterone-saturated hunks in Game of Thrones. Men know this, and, for some, this giant inconsistency makes the whole game look too much like hard work. Why bother trying to work out what a woman wants, when you can play sports, masturbate or just play video games from the comfort of your bedroom?
Jack Donovan, a writer based in Portland who has written several books on men and masculinity, each of which has become a cult hit, says the phenomenon is already endemic among the adult population. "I do see a lot of young men who would otherwise be dating and marrying giving up on women," he explains, "Or giving up on the idea of having a wife and family. This includes both the kind of men who would traditionally be a little awkward with women, and the kind of men who aren't awkward with women at all.
"They've done a cost-benefit analysis and realised it is a bad deal. They know that if they invest in a marriage and children, a woman can take all of that away from them on a whim. So they use apps like Tinder and OK Cupid to find women to have protected sex with and resign themselves to being 'players,' or when they get tired of that, 'boyfriends.'"
He goes on: "Almost all young men have attended mandatory sexual harassment and anti-rape seminars, and they know that they can be fired, expelled or arrested based more or less on the word of any woman. They know they are basically guilty until proven innocent in most situations."
Donovan lays much of the blame for the way men feel at the door of the modern feminist movement and what he sees as its disingenuousness. "The young men who are struggling the most are conflicted because they are operating under the assumption that feminists are arguing in good faith," he says, "When in fact they are engaged in a zero-sum struggle for sexual, social, political and economic status—and they're winning.
"The media now allows radical feminists to frame all debates, in part because sensationalism attracts more clicks than any sort of fair or balanced discourse. Women can basically say anything about men, no matter how denigrating, to a mix of cheers and jeers."
That has certainly been the experience of several loose coalitions of men in the media recently, whether scientists outraged by feminist denunciations of Dr Matt Taylor, or video gamers campaigning under the banner of press ethics who saw their movement smeared as a misogynistic hate group by mendacious, warring feminists and so-called "social justice warriors".
Donovan has views on why it has been so easy for feminists to triumph in media battles. "Because men instinctively want to protect women and play the hero, if a man writes even a tentative criticism of women or feminism, he's denounced by men and women alike as some kind of extremist scoundrel. The majority of "men's studies" and "men's rights" books and blogs that aren't explicitly pro-feminist are littered with apologies to women.
"Books like The Myth of Male Power and sites like A Voice for Men are favourite boogeymen of feminists, but only because they call out feminists' one-sided hypocrisy when it comes to pursing 'equality.'"
Unlike modern feminists, who are driving a wedge between the sexes, Men's Rights Activists "actually seem to want sexual equality," he says. But men's studies authors and male academics are constantly tip-toeing around and making sure they don't appear too radical. Their feminine counterparts have no such forbearance, of course, with what he calls "hipster feminists," such as the Guardian's Jessica Valenti parading around in t-shirts that read: "I BATHE IN MALE TEARS."
"I'm a critic of feminism," says Donovan. "But I would never walk around wearing a shirt that says, "I MAKE WOMEN CRY." I'd just look like a jerk and a bully."
It's the contention of academics, sociologists and writers like Jack Donovan that an atmosphere of relentless, jeering hostility to men from entitled middle-class media figures, plus a few confused male collaborators in the feminist project, has been at least partly responsible for a generation of boys who simply don't want to know.
In Part 2, we'll meet some of the men who have "checked out," given up on sex and relationships and sunk into solitary pursuits or alcohol-fuelled lad culture. And we'll discover that the real victims of modern feminism are, of course, women themselves, who have been left lonelier and less satisfied than they have ever been.
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